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A mum of 2 trying to stay sane in an overly airbrushed world.

Friday, 25 November 2016

Imperfect is the new Black Friday!

My first proper post about motherhood 😨 so I will start as I mean to go on by being 100% honest about who and where I am right now...




I'm loving the #ImperfectIsTheNewBlack campaign on social media at the moment. Its all in in aid of Pre and Post Natal Advice and Support UK (PANDAS Foundation UK). Headed up by these fab ladies on Instagram:

Its about creating a supportive online space for parents, stripping back social media falsities of 'perfect' parenting and showing the ugly truth!

Every morning I take one of these:     


Fluoxetine (Prozac) is an antidepressant which I've been taking for about 3 months now...but I have never actually felt 'depressed' - I am lucky enough to have everything I could ever want (apart from an endless supply of money!!)so how could I possibly have Post Natal Depression (PND)?! But as my GP eventually told me: 
Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain - not a reflection of how grateful you are for your life..
Looking back I think its something I've had since Henry's birth in 2014, I just did a good job concealing it with work, parenting, life and then having another baby. 
Getting through the door of the doctor's and asking for help wasn't easy, it took a drunken night at the pub with the girls, one too many bottles of wine, a lengthy group heart to heart in the street outside our local wine shop (following our eviction from the pub - glamorous irony at its very best) and then a chat with my health visitor to convince me I was not OK. 

My main symptom was the feeling that I was sleepwalking through some of the best years of my life (so far); regretting time I could never get back, feeling guilty about not being fully present or enjoying things like I once would have. I was unattached from my life to the point of rationalising everything that happened to me, no matter how good/bad/big/small I could brush it off - but if anyone else was in the same situation I would've been concerned, sympathetic, and actually care. Since visiting the doctor I have discovered I also had the following PND symptoms:



  • feeling emotionally numb
  • irritable/easily angered 
  • food aversions
  • low mood
  • not looking forward to things
  • looking for ways to get out of going out
  • constantly feeling not good enough 

  • Long story short I am now medicated with the antidepressant, have weekly counselling to deal with some other underlying issues and I FEEL BETTER 😊. I'm not cured, but the turnaround in my mood has taken weeks not months and every other mum I've opened up to about this has admitted similar symptoms, thoughts or feelings and being afraid of tackling it.

    So...please spread the word, join the imperfect bus with me and talk about how you're feeling. ITS OK NOT TO BE OK!

    Join in and share your imperfect moments with #imperfectisthenewblack and help mums with Post Natal Depression.

    Text PANDAS £3 to 70660 and donate to PANDAS.
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    Thursday, 17 November 2016

    The Story So Far...

    Within my bubble I have: 

    Husband (AKA Dr. Evil)
    Henry (2 nearly 3)(AKA Mini-Me)
    Louis (5 months)

    I put on a shed load of weight in my pregnancy with Henry, I felt hideous, so much so I couldn't bear having my photo taken and now regret the lack of photos I have of his birth and the weeks that followed. 

    I lost the weight following the Exante diet solidly for 6 months, shedding 3.5 stone to get to my target weight. I then maintained this weight loss for 18 months following Weight Watchers to begin with and then Slimming World.

    When I then fell pregnant with Louis I vowed to never get in a similar state again...I clearly don't do being pregnant well as I still gained nearly 2.5 stone - not as bad I know but still leaving a huge task to get back to 'me' and undoing the hard work of the previous year and a half.

    That pretty much brings you up to date, I am currently back to hardcoring the Exante diet. The relaxed approach just doesn't work with me, I need the stringent lines a diet like Exante brings - there is no in-between you either do it right or not. 

    I want to get back to target weight by Xmas - all being well i will achieve this and then i can have a break over crimbo to eat, drink and be merry. 

    I only have a stone to go 5 months post birth...but this last stone is a bugger to shift. Sticking to a diet when you're trying to get back to yourself, look after a baby, manage a toddler and still have a life is not easy. Sometimes you need something more than just the urge to lose weight it takes a big occasion/event to get your head in the game (part of the reason behind this blog) but read on to hear what the ultimate goal is...




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    Tuesday, 15 November 2016

    What's This Shizzle All About?

    Hello!

    You may be wondering why you should bother reading another entry into the already over-saturated 'mum blog' market...here is why I think you should:


    1. Having 2 children under the age of 3 I value the honesty of other parents over anything else these days. Gone are the romantic ideas of what having children will be like; as every day seems to now bring a new challenge. Too many accounts I see still paint an unrealistic view of the parenting world, making people feel inadequate and shitty about their own attempts. I would like to be a person that can reassure you that your children are not the worst behaved or that your parenting is falling short and that the tantrums and piss stains on the sofa happen to us all!


    2. A lot of blogs are heartfelt essays (nothing wrong with that.) I am going to try and bring a bite-size slice of mum banter to your life, content that you can sit and take in during those precious minutes of the day when you get to drink a cold cup of tea or eat the scraps your toddler has refused.


    3. Writing is a good therapy for me. I'm indulging my need to vent, share and moan about my kids, husband, bitchy mums at baby groups and my constant need to diet in order to maintain an acceptable mum bod, so even if only a handful of people actual read this - its OK!


    4. Note to all readers - no matter how much I moan and bitch about my kids/ husband I do love them to bits and they are amazing (unlike the bitches at various kids groups - they really do deserve all the abuse I will throw at them.)


    5. I will be reviewing and rating various products on this blog, please remember I am not a professional photographer - I am a mum who has to make the choice between brushing her hair or doing her make up each day...as if I can be arsed to set up the perfect white background and stylish shot of a dummy or a nappy etc. I will however be brutally honest as to how good and useful something actually is...so you can decide whats more important.


    Let's go!

    xxx





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