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A mum of 2 trying to stay sane in an overly airbrushed world.

Tuesday, 18 April 2017

Hardcore Sexit

I didn't mean to vote out.

Can't even remember doing it.

If I could find a way to take it back and rejoin the sexual union I was once part of I would!

I wish I could remember when it happened; the moment I was switched off and I lost all desire to do 'IT' anymore. I definitely wanted to do it the day I conceived my first child, so at least that is somewhere to start...

Since that day four years ago I have had two children (a 3 year old and a 10 month old), been diagnosed with Post Natal Depression (PND) and then dealt with everything else that life has thrown at me.

SEX really has been the last thing on my mind.


Well, it was until I realised it was a problem. Listening to others talk excitedly about all the great sex they were having and then the awkward almost constant knock backs I am serving my husband led to a never ending load of questions:

Is it me?

Is it my husband?

Is it the kids?

Am I in the wrong marriage?

Am I too tired?

Am I abnormal?

Have I just lost it?

The answer to all of those questions is NO! I can say that so confidently because even if you offered me the most romantic, passionate night of selfish pleasure with the man of my dreams I would still rather do other things - like sit and watch some good telly or have a really nice dinner; sex would be the last choice, I just have no interest.

I have sought help, I have discussed this with my GP, Health Visitor, in peer counselling and to my friends. Everyone seems to think it can be easily fixed with a few nights away and trying some 'new' things...been there, done that, still not wearing an 'I ❤ Sex' t-shirt. The only distance I have gained towards an answer is finding some like-minded mothers with PND who also feel like me but were just too scared to admit it.

A female Viagra would be good...and I know the more you have it, the more you want it. That is all well and good if you have a solid week without your kids to try and get back into the groove...but I don't have that luxury and in a world full of sex it seems totally alien and isolating to actually be admitting that I just don't know what to do from here. I know its not just me, I know its related to parenting and having the PND...so what can I do to help?!

I care enough to write this, I care enough to admit it to groups of people who really don't care to know my vag is as dry as Gandhi's flip flop and most of all I care and worry about the damage this affliction will do to my marriage. I know it bothers my husband - so how long before he tires of trying and just goes elsewhere? I'd really like to be able to want to have sex with him again, to not dread his advances and fear pushing him away even more.

I'm sorry I have no answers...I just thought this needed saying and I hope it rings true with someone else!
Anyone else out there? Or is it just me? 😖
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9 comments

  1. Great piece. Can totally relate! As time passed and I felt better in myself my libido came back a bit so things slightly improved..we now manage once a month sessions!! Life is busy. I am tired. Husband is tired. The kids are full on. SEX is no longer a top priority. But that's ok. I think..

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  2. I'm not quite at the same stage as you but I have gone through "dry" periods before too... Mine was totally down to the pill (microgynon) and I was on it for 19 years... Thats a long time to not give a s#1t about sex. Hope you can find your mojo thief.

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  3. I relate 100%.
    I didn't realise there had even been a vote. I just seemed to exit anyway.
    I have no interest in sex, with anyone, I know that doesn't make my husband feel any better but really, it's not him, it's me.
    I have not had PND and my youngest is now 4 so we are well of the baby/toddler stage & I'm not really sure what my reason is.
    There are litrally 1 million other things I would rather do.
    I don't think it's my contreceptive as I've been like this since my eldest was tiny 6 years ago.
    Maybe part of it is getting put of the "habbit" and really never getting proper time to get back in to it.
    We do occasionally do it, but we go weeks between. I want to want it. I want to be more like pre child days - but I'm just not bothered.
    Your not the only 1, there are at least 2 of us.

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  4. 3! ��

    I actually thought it was me off my hubby. I wondered why if I was out of love with him do I still want to spend lots of time with him, have anothet baby with him even, just not have sex.i too pre empt it and say before I get into bed 'not tonight' and I see his face drop. I didn't know it was an affect of PND.

    You're not alone!

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  5. 4!
    It's really putting a strain on our relationship, but I'm just not interested. I'd rather have a cup of tea.

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  6. It's not just you. I have no interest in it either, it's really hard to admit that to myself or my husband but he's getting the message! We just don't do it. I'm tired, the kids wear me out, when I flop into bed at the end of a long day I just want to sleep.
    I really appreciate your honesty and getting this out there, I tried to speak to a friend and she made me feel like some kind of monster "I make sure p gets it at least twice a week" ! she's a stepford wife, I'm not a robot and can't just conjure up the feeling if it isn't there. Sorry I haven't got any easy answers to this one but don't feel that we should stop being loved just because of this ...x

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  7. Ladies thank you all so much for your comments! I really appreciate your honesty in sharing your experiences!! I am looking into some possible ways of reversing this issue...so I will be writing about anything I try and hope if anyone of you find the answer first you'll share it!! Xxx

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  8. I totally understand, I am the same also. I don't talk to anyone about it. I have 2 children, 10 and 5. Neither of them slept through the night for the first 2 years of their lives. After the second was born, I was just wrecked in every way. I didn't and don't have a support network of family or friends to help. I adore my kids, but this has had a huge effect on my marriage. Thanks for being honest x

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  9. Urrrgh it's so difficult when you're tired and you're trying to plan the next day and mentally tick things off your to-do list, and you spend all day being needed by somebody else. As you say, sex just drops down the priority list. If you find any answers / remedies, be sure to let us all know! #blogcrush

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