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A mum of 2 trying to stay sane in an overly airbrushed world.

Monday, 15 May 2017

Sexit: Can I Change My Vote?

Writing 'Hardcore Sexit' was a long, drawn out process; the idea to write about 'it' occurred not long after the whole Brexit whirlwind. A mixture of shame, fear and embarrassment made me leave it to fester for a further 9 months.

Pressing 'publish' was a whole other battle, as I prepared for one of three things:

  • No one reading it. Who cares about other peoples sex lives?
  • People reading it and thinking it was ridiculous!
  • People reading it and attracting all sorts of weird, wonderful comments from the depths of social media.
Luckily none of these scenarios actually happened and instead I was pleasantly surprised at the amount of women (and men) who took the time to write, speak or message me in support and share their own version of similar problems. 

I was not alone and people were willing to risk making themselves appear a 'frigid sex avoider'(FSA) too!

As (self imposed) leader of the 'frigid sex avoiders' I feel something needs to be done. Off I went to Google with its speedy searches to type 'Female lack of sex drive' et voila for the first time in years I have a sexual purpose!


Just to be clear when researching 'treatments' I had 2 things on my mind:

  • Money - I am not rich, i'm adjusting back into part time work following maternity pay so I sure as hell do not have money to 'spunk up the wall'.
  • Time - with 2 kids, a job and a life (sort of) everything needs to be flexible to that. 
SO...here's what I found: 

FACT: A 'sex census' of 24,709 British people found that at any one time about 16% of women have a low sex drive. 


The biggest contributor is age apparently...so best get my skates on before I spiral into geriatric sex avoider territory.


FACT: The National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles found that 1 in 4 women who are in a relationship don’t share the same level of interest in sex as their partner. 


We're not alone ladies its a common problem, it just needs a bit more exposure. This is my new little mission, I lost my dignity long ago, so seeing as I've come this far I may as well try and get some good out of it.


Here's the bit you've all been waiting for (drum roll)...the plan.


The scientific one...I have found a clinic who specialise in dealing with sexual problems. The Havelock Clinic are running a series of webinars to tackle 'Female Sexual Desire' issues. Spread across 5 fortnightly sessions, its perfect for mums as its in the evening and you can just log in from your home computer/tablet - so no travel. Each session costs £35 so £175 total.



The experimental one...supermarket sweeping the hell out of Ann Summers with my resident sex addict mate to ensure I don't play it safe and try some different things.



The fun one...creating more time for each other, taking it in turns to organise "us time" - trying the alphabet dating game and self imposed phone bans on dates.


The cringe one...trying to work desire into everyday life, sending a text or two during the day, saying what you'd like to do when you're together. 

The easy one...Lady Prelox is a plant based supplement which will enhance female pleasure. £32 for 1 months supply and available from Amazon.


Watch this space - this will all be occurring over the next few months, I won't be doing it all at once (god no, we're taking baby steps with this). I'm starting with the sexual therapy, but I will report back on my Instagram and on here with how things are going and whether its worth trying!

Thanks for all the support so far. FSA's can and will be cured (I hope).
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Friday, 5 May 2017

Bank Holiday Hell


As parents we all crave that little bit of 'me' time; enjoy a few stolen moments doing something we enjoyed before you took responsibility of a small person. To some theirs no such thing as too much 'me' time. Spring has loads of potential with bank holidays galore; sounds perfect...unless you're experiencing your first bank holiday as a single parent.

Those familiar with my previous posts will know I have a friend negotiating her new life as a 'lone' parent. I stress 'lone' because the ex-other half would laugh in the face of anyone who suggest he parent more than he can get away with. Currently stuck in mediation 'purgatory' progressing through a system so slow and tedious it makes a snail resemble Usain Bolt. The road to divorce, legal intervention and justice for a child who wants the time they deserve from both parents is the most frustrating process I've ever witnessed. This isn't meant to be a 'pity post', far from it - I hope I am highlighting the real darkness that can be overlooked when trying to help those in this situation. 


The CBeebies bedtime song has long been a victory for me (like i'm sure it is for many far and wide); but when you're doing it alone its a bit of a curse...YES you survived another day, but once your child is asleep (hopefully without too many choruses of 'I want mummy and daddy back together') you face a silent house and a glorified form of house arrest where the previously simple tasks of nipping to the shop, going out for a walk or Domino's not offering delivery in your area are actual first world problems. 
Of course you have friends who can help in these situations - but what part of 'surviving' and 'doing it alone' is that? Even with all the friends, family and colleagues in the world bedtime equals social lock-down and a bit more time to think about everything

Now enter the bank holidays - a single parents bold and italic version of what is now every other night. That 'family' based occasion you dread to attempt alone that rubs salt in your still freshly wounded family. 
My friend would want me to stress that aside from the initial split - it has been these weekends which she has found hardest. These have been the time that reality has truly hit. Its not from neglect or lack of social functions to go to (far from it) but she now feels the inadvertent third wheel at events by no choice of her own and to no fault of those around her (who want her there more than anything). 

Its simply a stark reminder of what you have lost and what others still have. Sounds petty and childish but IT ISN'T FAIR. 

Of course it is all part of the process and as each public holiday comes and goes it will get a bit easier, but if I have learnt one thing from my friends experience; it is that she is by no means the minority (far from it) but there seems to be very little to no support out there for newly single parents or their children. With two more bank holidays before we hit the hell that is Christmas - maybe we could all try and dedicate them to trying something different with those experiencing extreme change? Steer away from the traditional, make some new memories that can overshadow the past and make that home alone time a little less hellish.
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